Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I wouldn't be one of those parents that you would probably call a peaceful parent. I don't think peace at all costs is worth it. Instead I like the peace of knowing that when I take all my children to the supermarket on shopping day, that they are most like not going to throw a tantrum, swear, touch things they shouldn't, etc. We are loving parents who love our children dearly and in that want them to have the advantages of know how to behaviour if different social situations. I recently answer a comment of a page about how to deal with Tantrums. Which got me thinking, it's not something we deal with much because we have tried to teach the children how we expect them to behave in different situations, like the supermarket. Now we still deal with the attitude problems of being asked to do something and them not wanting to do it~ something we are currently combating, and I should say that none of my children have what would be called "behavioural issues" or "medical issues". SO I'm not asking something of them that they can't do. But here is my response to dealing with Tantrums.

I think it depends on the reason for the behaviour, if it is happening because there is a communication problem, ie they can't explain what they want, or your not understanding, that is very different that one because you have said no to something. The first we do is re communicate what they are saying, You are asking for a ...., no we are about to have lunch, so we are not having that." SO that they know I have heard them, understand what they are asking, and communicate why we are or are not doing that. If they are asking for something ie chocolate while we are out at the shop, and I have said no, then they where to throw themselves on the floor screaming or what ever (rarely happens for us) I would simple pick them up, put the in the trolley, and say when you have settled down we will talk about, but the rule for us is that is behaviour is never rewarded with what the child wants. For us the biggest thing is "Training" in that I mean if you want your children to behave a certain way in a certain situation, when practise before hand, play shops, play doctors waiting room, play whatever it is, waiting until your in the situation is a bit late. We normally will practise it at home, talk through what we are going to do and what is expected of them in the car, then go a head and do it. I also distract the children with singing often. Yes I'm the crazy lady with the 5 children walking through the super market sing, "row, row, row the boat" We try and do things like shopping in the morning after everyone is feed and fresh, make the trip as much fun as we can, but their are times when you can't, you have to just deal with what happens, but I have found the more you spend time doing things like practice the less likely you are to get behaviours you don't want.

We don't believe that you should punish a child for doing something that you have failed to teach them about, ie the first time the draw on the wall. Well no Mummy hasn't told you that we don't draw on walls, So then that would be a training opportunity, and explain why we don't, making sure they know that is not something we want them doing. However if they do it again, we then will discipline the child. Depending on the behaviour, depends of the disciple used.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Teachable Opportunities!

Look for teachable opportunities, you never know how you may help someone else

I remember a time when I only had two children, and was having a play date at the park with a close friend, while we where chatting one of her friends came to say hi, and mentioned she was pregnant. So I asks a few questions to be included in the conversation, like, when are you due?, how are you feeling?, and are you going to find out the sex?. the other questions where fine, but the last one changed the conversation. She said "oh no we don't do ultra sounds!" I was really surprised as at that point I had never met anyone who had a problem with U/S. But instead of seeing this an opportunity to share with me about why they choose not to, she went on whole different manner of "I'm a better Mother than you, because of the choices I make".

Only now after having 5 children, with number 6 on the way, have I really developed my beliefs about birth and pregnancy and can stand on them. However I do wonder how much soon that journey would/could have progressed had that Lady seen it as a teachable opportunity.