Guest Post - Kerry Jensen

Staying positive in the face of the negative

This is a guest post by Kerry Jensen who over the last several years had to face many challenges. I asked her, "How have you kept a positive attitude with all the chaos that is going on.  Here is her story. 

Kerry Jensen

I guess you could say, that life for me over the last 3 years has not been an easy road to travel. In 2012 my husband and I were expecting our third baby, our third precious Son.

At 20 weeks gestation, they discovered my blood pressure was sky high, and then began a road of medications, weekly checkups and scans. We went for an ultrasound scan one day, only to be sent straight to our doctor at the hospital, he shut the door and sat us both down.

He looked at me and said "your baby is in danger". 

My blood pressure was still sky high, I had pre-eclampsia, and to add to it, there wasn't enough fluid surrounding our baby. We were admitted to hospital that afternoon, and sent down to Hobart- 4 hours away from home, to a bigger hospital that could handle premature born babies. At 28 weeks, after a terrifying rush into theatre for an emergency c-section, and a very quick goodbye to my terrified husband, I had my third Son. 

He weighed a very tiny 617 grams. 

Ethan 

His skin was transparent. He looked like a skinned rabbit, and we could hold Him in one hand. He was surrounded by tubes, cords and monitors, and spent the first 4 months of His life in the hospital.

His First Hat

After getting out of the hospital our lives were filled with the care of our three boys, and constant trips to the doctors and hospital to make sure Ethan was ok. Then in 2013, I spent five long weeks in hospital, on oxygen support. 

The doctors assumed I had pneumonia, but after the 11th try of antibiotics weren't improving my lungs, they suspected an auto immune disease. After a muscle biopsy, and daily test's, it was confirmed, my immune system was trying to shut down my lungs, and muscles.

I've learnt to walk again, been through almost a year of physio, chemo and intense steroids. 

Well, how do I look at the positives in all of this? 

They say, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  I've walked a lot of this journey, kicking and screaming for the ride to stop. I've begged for answers, and prayed until I had nothing left.

I wanted to run away, but couldn't. I was broken.

So where did I put my trust? 

In the only one who was big enough to deal with these health issues, and strong enough to hold my pain. God. I found it easier to dump it all at His feet, I met Him face to face. He accepted me as I was, a broken wreck, needing a miracle. Life didn't get easier, but my faith became stronger!

I learnt to see the small positives in every day,

I became thankful instead of fearful. I stopped seeing myself as a broken wreck, and saw what God saw... the potential, and the worth. I started eating well- healthy foods made a huge difference. I stopped needing to have everything under control, organised and clean.

We stopped with the sterile environment and swapped it with FUN. I became creative, and the joy came back. Life is only what we make of it.

Choose to see the positives!.

If you have enjoyed reading Kerry's Guest Post, the leave her a comment, and you might like to follow her continuing journey to healing on Facebook. Here

I am an overcomer

I am an overcomer!

Faith

Sophie (our first) pregnancy and birth was quiet a drama, and filled me with quiet a lot of fear about birth. A little while before we got married someone shared with me about some of the abortive effects that the pill can have, so before starting our married life we discussed it and talked about how we didn't want to abort any of our babies even unintentionally, so didn't want to go that route when it came to birth control. So we decided to leave it to God and let be what would be.

So 4 months after Sophie's birth we were expecting again. That news was both really exciting and scary at the same time. We know from the start that we wanted a big family, or at lest have the option for a large family, so have a c-section with the first baby wasn't really going with our plans, and I definitely didn't want to have a second one with this baby. Hence having Doctors tell us that we could only have one or two more children.

Again I had bad morning sickness, and a baby to look after. However because Sophie was still only 4-6 months during the worst of it, she was still in that stage of sleeping lots and I was able to sleep with her. We made to the second trimester and the sickness eased quiet a bit, and I was finally about to enjoy that stage of being pregnant and having a lovely baby that I adored. The pregnancy went fairly smoothly and at my first anti natal doctors appointment I talked with the doctor about what happened during the last labour and how I wanted to try and have a vaginal birth with this baby, and I was very blessed with a Doctor that didn't see any problem with that, in fact they gave me the option to choose to have another c-section but didn't see any reason why I shouldn't be allowed to try. As the pregnancy went on I again deleveloped Gestational Diabetes, and was able to treat that with diet and exercise again. We had our 20 weeks scan and were very pleased to see we were infact having a ....Baby... and it was a girl.

As the pregnancy went along, I had it in my mind that I was determined to have this baby naturally but was getting increasingly fearful that it would end the same way that Sophie's birth had. Those questions about whether I was even able to give birth?, can my body do this?, Do I even deserve to have the achievement of giving birth? So many questions and so many fears, and during all that time the option was still very open for me to choose to have a c-section.

So with Fear at the door knocking the only solution was Faith... Faith overcomes fear. I remember going to our home group at the time and sharing that I was really scared about what was to come... and the group prayed for me that I would feel peace about it all, and one of the group gave be a word from the Lord. He sang it to me..."Fear Not!, for I am with you, Fear Not! Fear Not! for I am with You, Fear Not! Says the Lord!" Those who have been christian for a while might know this song.

While the hospital was happy for me to try for a natural delivery of this baby they did have a heap of rules.

I was advised to come in as soon as labour started.
I needed to be monitored for the whole labour, that ment being on the bed with monitors attached. Which ment I wasn't allowed in the bath, which really helped with pain in the first labour.
I need to give birth within 12 hours of labour establishing.
If I hadn't gone into labour on my own by ten days over then it would be an automatic c-section.

So there were a few things to overcome, as well as my mental state of half believing that I wasn't worthy of being about to deliever naturally.

My due date was 2 days after Sophie's birthday. Not wanting to take any chances I planned Sophie's first birthday two weeks early. Ben was quiet sick that day, and spent a fair bit of it vomiting in the bushes. Besides that Sophie had a great first birthday party, with friends and family.


Well wouldn't you know, the next day I went into Labour. Ben was still recovering from the yesterdays vomiting adventures. This time it didn't start with contractions, my waters started to leak. At first I thought I was wetting myself, it was horrible I was crying because I couldn't control bladder, as time went on I realised that I wasn't peeing myself, I didn't even need to go to the toilet. So I told Ben, who of course freaked out, as men do sometimes. We dicided since contractions hadn't started that I would put a pad on and go out and have some dinner, as we might be in for a long night. While eating out, I could feel more Leaking happening, so I went to the toilet and checked, this time I had a show. We phoned Ben mother to make arrangements for Sophie to be looked after, and we rang someone to take us into the hospital.

When we arrived they were really busy. Our hospital has about 5 birthing rooms, that night 11 babies were born. Having started Labour with contractions with Sophie, waters leaking was definitly a much nicer way for labour to start this time round, as I was easied into it. Due to the hospital being so busy that night, the midwives quickly Checked me out and made sure I was in fact leaking fluid and by that time light contractions had established. After that the rush of birthing mothers started.
Due to the fact that I was only in the beginning stages of birthing and there were more pressing cases, the doctors didn't see us at that point. So I asked the midwives if I could hop in the bath (Knowing that I wasn't allowed too) being that no doctor had told them I couldn't the midwife cheekily let me in. It was great! releaved the pain and was so relaxing. Four hours later the Doctors discovered I was in the bath, and ordered the midwives to get me out. So Thankfully I go some the time in there. By the time I got out and monitors were on I had dilated to around 5 cms, which was amazing news for me, because I stopped dilating at 3 cms with Sophie for about 10 hours, to be 5 already was a great relief mentally for me. Once on the bed things got harder, I was given the gas to help me through, and an cannula was put in, just in case I went for another c-sections, which is what they totally expected. That night they were training staff, and had student midwives and doctors on, they hadn't bothered to ask me if they could attend my birth because they fully expected me to go up stairs for a c-section later that night. As it turns out everyone that had a student on them that night did end up having a c-section.

On an interesting side note, After reading Ina May Gaskins book, it made total sense to me, why I struggled so much to dilate in my first birth. I'm one of those people that hate going number 2 in public toilets, in case the person in the next stale can hear, or I'm taking too long. So why on earth would I be able to birth with people I don't know all looking at that area of my body in bright lights. In Sophie's birth the lights were never lowered and I went through 3 midwives, so Ben was the only there that was with me from start to finish.

Anyway back to the story...At around 11pm that night my midwife came in and asked me if I wanted an epidural as the doctor was going home for the night and that it would take a while before they would be able to get someone else to come and do it. After speaking to my midwife and her checking how far along I was, 7cm but she could stretch me another 1cm, she said no, you can do this, your nearly there. Having her beleieve in me was Amazing! and JUST what I needed.

I should also say that Ben was awesome during all this time, even though he was still sick from the day before, rubbing bits that hurt to help with pain releif and playing music, that he had prepared ahead of time. Praying and singing, and joking with me, communicating with the staff on my behalf, He really was my rock. The Lord was awesome during this time as well. All my fear was gone, and I could feel His presence with me. I also understood more of what He went through for us, when dying on the cross. There was only one way out and that was through it. But for an awesome cause, Us! and Her, my baby.

A couple of hours on and it was time to push.... it was at this time that I realised what I missed with Sophie's birth... the feelings of pushing... During her birth I had an epidural and while there was a sensation there I couldn't really feel all that well, and had no idea how hard I had to push. So it took some pushing to get baby out. I would push and she would move down, and as soon as I stop she would go back in... So after some practise at it, I finally got her down enough for Ben to see her head. When He said he could see her, that really helped me know I was getting somewhere and nearing the end, and it was On! I wasn't going to stop pushing til this baby was out.

As after pushing for about an hour our baby was born. She of course was gorgeous. I had a small rip that need stitching up. Before baby was born we had choosen a name for our baby, she was going to be call, Charlotte Victoria-Iris. While I was being stitched up by the doctor Ben was holding our baby girl and started Calling her Charlotte, as soon as he did I knew it wasn't right for our little girl. Her name was Faith... I had to have Faith to overcome my fears in birth, and God was very Faithful in helping bring her into the world.

Ben agreed and there she was Faith Charlotte. An adorable new member of our family. We both needed time to heal, and she spent some time in ICU being monitered for the any effects of the Gestation Diabetes and Jaundise. We got feeding up and running fairly quickly and got home from Hospital 7 days later on Sophie's actual Birthday. What a surprise for her, and an extra special birthday present.

(The Living Bible) What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen. It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we cannot see it up ahead

My Testimony to Christ

Hi, I've been a christian since I was 20, so 11 years now. I was not born into a Christian Home, but my parent did attend the salvation Army church most Sundays, Until my one of my older brothers pasted away when I was 6, and they blamed God, so my father refused to go to church from then on, and shortly after we moved State. So we were the family that only really went to church for Christening's that weddings, that sort of thing. But I was always drawn to what the pastor or preacher had to say, I loved it so much I would often go and sit in the very front seat. I had several times when I began to explore Christianity but the timing was not right. It wasn't until I was at University Study performing arts that the timing was right. I was in second year of my studies when a friend and I decided to have a day trip back home, which was a bit over a 2 hour drive each way. So we visited her family and then my family, and then she asked if we could go to church on the way back home. I had no problem with that, I was still intrigued by God and Church. SO we went and God so clearly spoke to me during that the time there, I was in love. So I would drive back to that church every couple of weeks and attend the service. It hadn't even crossed my mind that there might be a church close by that I could attend every week, at that point. So finally after many months I did finally attend a church in my area. However there wasn't really anyone to join me on that journey. The friend that introduced me to church was on rocky road in regards to her relationship with Christ, and really struggled with me loving Him. So not having anyone to be my spiritual parents and guide me in the way to go, I was a sitting duck for the Enemy and was easily lead astray. So interestingly enough the person that lead me to Christ was also the person that lead me to drugs. And after some short time of trying to live in both worlds, I soon stopped going to church. But God being God that was not the end of the story... I remember very clearly sitting in my car driving along this country road, thinking to myself, "I've got it sorted, I'll just live my life the way that I want to, smoking, drinking and so on... and then just before I die I will say, God forgive me for all my sins and I will shoot on in to heaven" Well just at that very moment the back of my car came out from under me, and I was given a choice, to fall down the cliff, or turn the wheel hard and run into the hill. It never even entered my mind to say "Lord, forgive my sins" at that point in time. While my car rolled three times and was a mess, written off, I only had minor injuries. I could have died, and it's a wonder I was able to get out of the car. I knew from that point on there was no messing around with God. He was in control and had protected me from serious harm, and I am eternally grateful for the lesson He taught me that day. Because of Him, I went on to start a Christian Theatre company, directing plays, which lead me to meeting my husband of now 9 years and we currently have 6 lovely little blessings to raise in the ways of the Lord.
Praise God, I'm so over joyed that He Loves Me!

Exemption

I wanted to add to my previous blog about family Size. Often when I talk about it or it is discussed by someone, there are some people that feel like those that choose this method are judging those that don't. Will I guess for some people they are... But for me that's not it! For me I believe that it is a decision that every husband and wife needs to make together. What is God asking them to do... I don't want people to feel judge or condemned for what we do in our lives, we each have to do what we believe to be right. For me that mean doing what is right in the Lord's eyes as well as our own. If your decision is to have two children and stop. Then stand in that decision. Take from my blog what is useful to you and leave what is not. I am not a completed work, by that I mean, I am like you, and far from perfect, we all have our good and bad, and hopefully each day is a step forward more good less bad, but we all stubble too and need to start at the start again. Bless you!

Letting God plan our Family Size

For me, making the decision to allow God to plan our family size was a big decision and not one entered into lightly. Much Thought and Prayer went into the decision, But for me the bottom line was that we knew it was what the Lord was asking of us! So we had to say yes! When we first entered into this decision we had one baby and another or the way, and not a lot of Money. When asked the question as a girl how many children I wanted to have my answer was probably pretty standard "a boy and a girl". We never set out to have a lot of children but as the Lord warmed our heart to letting Him decide, after all He know far more than us, and knows what is to come in the future,the idea of having a lot doesn't worry me now. I was challenged by the thought that I could possible have 20 children, I mean I'm not a rocket scientist but I can count, and do simple maths. The next step for me was then changing my attitude to that possible 20 children, I mean really why was the thought of having that many children a problem? Of course there are lots of challenges facing large families but the same can be true of small families... Was Have a large family the problem or was it my thinking... after searching the scriptures and my heart I knew the answer was my thinking... and then set forth to make a covenant with my future children, I didn't want any of my children to come into this world without me being joyful of there arrival. After all the world is a cruel enough place as it is, they needed me on there side. That then being said the issue wasn't any more about how many children I might have, but learning to be the best mother I can be to any number of children that I might have, and the Lord may bring into our lives. Learning skills to manage my household, feed my family, nourish there bodies, minds, spirits and souls. This is where I am today...Learning, learning, Learning. Some days I get it right other far from it but each day is a journey of learning.